My sole fell off my boot this weekend. My dog chewed through my gloves and my hat has a hole in it. My snow boots don’t keep my feet dry anymore. I’ve given up. I bought tickets to Texas.
The winter started off with anxiety, days getting shorter. It improved and snowed. It was nice. Then it snowed again. And again. And again. And a few more times after that. The past few weeks the panic started to set in again. I need to get out of here.
My work season never really “ended.” I suppose it slowed a bit. But not really all too much. It’s ok. I need to make money. Its also keeping me on my toes.
Somehow in the past month or so, I started to see things again. Like how I saw them in college. I knew what I wanted and it didn’t really matter what anyone else thought. Somewhere in the whole making-a-living bit, I tossed that aside. But it’s back. I mean, I guess it never really went away. Maybe it’s just the panic/winter talking. But I think this year might be different. And I’m trying to make it count.
Friendships are weird. I have a lot of them. Sometimes it’s hard work for me. Sometimes it’s super easy. Most of the time I feel like I’m overstepping boundaries or being a bad friend. I’m never really sure whats happening at which time until it’s happened, or someone has called me out on something. I don’t curb my thoughts. I think I see my business relationships the same way. I really don’t see the difference. Why would I portray a different personality in my business than I do in my regular “real” life? But I see it all the time in others. By trade, I am an observer. I see things. I see when people are closed off, when they are awkward, when they are aggressive, when they try too hard, when they are trying to impress me, and when they respect me. I enjoy the latter. There are a lot of thoughts in this post. A lot is flowing through my mind at this moment. Again, it’s the anxiousness.
I want it to be warm again.